Thursday, January 26, 2012

feeling lost......

So I am feeling very lost in my life.  I don't feel like myself anymore and I feel as if I can not bring anything to the table. I have been staying home with the baby and going to school so I feel like I have no traits to bring to the real world. I used to be computer savvy (which I kinda still am) very independent and strong. Now I feel as if I have lost my way and I am a newbie trying to make it in the world. I have put off school because I no longer know what I want to do with my life. What is the best decision for my family? What happens when we get pregnant with another baby? (I only have half a cervix so its going to take sometime) I don't have any regrets thus far in my life and I don't want to start now. Part of me wants to own my own business and work from home. Then another part of me wants to go back to work for someone else. I don't want to live paycheck to paycheck so I need to make sure whatever I am doing I can make enough to help support my family. I am so overwhelmed and frustrated that I can't make a decision. I just got offered a job at a law firm for Admin/Marketing. And then I have my Ebay and Etsy stores. (which are slowly receiving orders) I prayed to God and asked him to give me  a path and I will follow it. So I was offered this job and I accepted. And I am still continuing my homemade stores makes it makes me happy and I love crafting. I know God has a plan for me and I am going to fully trust him and see where he takes my life. I just needed to really get this off my chest and be free from it. Hopefully anything I do I am successful in it and enjoy doing it. Seeing all these amazing bloggers and seeing what they do with their blogs and how much of an audience they have is amazing. I know you have to start from the bottom and just work very hard to get where you want to be but maybe I am stuck in a rut? Maybe I am trying to hard. Patience is a virtue and I need to learn it. Its going to very hard to leave Reagan after almost a year of being mainly home with her. But it is good for her to be social with other kids and I need to learn to have independence from her and vice versa. I just wish I could stay home with her forever but that is not ideal with us. We one day want to get a place of our own and I need a steady income to do so. It is very bittersweet going back to work. 

Well we have a lunch date with my Nana at 1130am and we have a ton to do before that! I have things to make and a baby to feed and blog posts to post! Busy Busy! 


Xoxoxoxo Nicole

2 comments:

  1. We all have something to offer in this world. I hope you find some answers/guidance soon. Being a parent is tough.

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